i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
