In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
