I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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