i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
