my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
