I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize