i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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