I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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