You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
did you just send me my own nude
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
