forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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