We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
