I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
