You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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