Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
