the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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