Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
