you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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