And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
