I wannas sexs uuuuu
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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