So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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