Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
