Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
