Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
