You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
