i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
