it was like his penis was on wheels.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
