the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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