We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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