I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
