Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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