she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As shirtless as possible
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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