AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
