woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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