I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My nipple is on Facebook.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
