Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
