Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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