Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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