dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
