Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
