Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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