that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dignity is for republicans.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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