Duck Duck Cougar?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Found the puke drawer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
