yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
