If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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