She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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