There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
