If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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