why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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