my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
