come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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