my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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