dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
