I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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