I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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