My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't turn off my feet"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
