he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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