the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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