At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
