i permit you to call me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
pop tarts are not kleenex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
